there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
