So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
