I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize