someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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