I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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