brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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