You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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