Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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