I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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