my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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