I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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