I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize