all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
