Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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