he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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