Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
