I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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