Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
