Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
