we made out on top of his cat.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
