there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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