oh god the rape fog is back!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
