We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
