There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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