Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
