when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
