i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
