I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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