just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
