...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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