I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
farters have to be the big spoon...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
