on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
