dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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