I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
