Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
