Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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