whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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