my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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