i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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