I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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