I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my being single is dangerous.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
