I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
