Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
