If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
