Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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