Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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