The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
