I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
