this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
