Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
