Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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