It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
