My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
