why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
