For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
