i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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