Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Never let your siblings swipe right.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
