I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My feet surprised me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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