She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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