He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize