I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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