forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
