Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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