i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
