I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
3 2 1 whiskey
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize