love makes seman taste better
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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