I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
