On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
