i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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